Lets start with hoping that the Rogers Centre roof will be invisible the next time the Blue Jays take the field, horrible washed-out shade of green carpet that it is. The turf is scheduled to give way to actual grass that is bright green, so we dont have to complain any more—we just have to wait a few years. Instead, do feel free to complain if the roof is closed for any reason other than to allow a game to be played. After (or during?) the winter of 2013-14, it might tempt fate to declare that it will no longer be too cold to watch baseball outdoors, but it wont. Not a week from now. Close the roof only if you must, not as you wish, Rogers Centre Roof Department. Baseball fans will love you for it. They dont mind bringing jackets. The next policy that has to change involves the selling of beer. I received an e-mail from a disgruntled husband who wanted to share a can of beer with his wife and asked for a glass for that purpose. He was told that wouldnt be possible. He could have the beer in a can, or the beer in a glass, but not both. It gets sillier. At the home opener, my friend Neil stepped into the aisle and down a few rows to hail a vendor and to ask for two cans of beer—WE dont share—and he was told he could buy just one beer. But he wanted two, one for himself and one for his friend Dave sitting a few rows up. Sorry, he was told—he had two choices. He could tell me to get my own beer, or he could bring the one he was allowed to buy to me and return to buy a second one in a separate transaction. He even reasoned that he should be able to buy a second beer and give it to a stranger sitting nearest these negotiations, but the vendor was too savvy. He realized that the gifted beer would quickly make it back to Neils hand and then to mine, and the beer salesman wasnt about to be fooled that easily. Suffice it to say I got my beer, and I didnt spill it when I stood up to do the wave. Thats because I didnt stand up to do the wave. I would like to propose a rule for the wave and add it to my rules for the roof and the beer. The wave is permissible once per game. When the crowd is asked to stand for the anthems, it may do so section by section and remain standing, to sing and to congratulate itself for doing the wave in advance of the game, but never during it. There should be other rules for fan behaviour. A fan is allowed to heckle a player only if that player has a remote chance of hearing the humourless yell. Theres something empty and mindless about trash talk that only one person thinks is funny and is heard only by people to whom it is not directed. A fan is allowed to be in the wrong seat, wrong row or wrong section if he or she has actually looked twice at the ticket or has even thought about asking for help. Poor eyesight or a careless usher can then be blamed. But guessing at the proper location doesnt work very well. A fan is allowed to act and talk like a baseball expert if he or she can pass the simple test of knowing that its not correct to yell "Balk!" when the pitcher wheels and fakes a throw to second base instead of delivering the ball to the plate. Heres the opposite of that. A guy sitting behind me was trying to impress his female companion with his baseball knowledge and he invited her to ask him to explain anything she might not understand. As the game was about to begin, she wanted to know how they decide which team bats first. There was a long, uncomfortable pause before her friend guessed at the answer—he reasoned that they probably flip a coin. I sincerely hoped she wouldnt ask him why the roof was closed, or why he couldnt bring her back a beer when he left to get one for himself. If any of this resonates with you, pass it on. 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